Moving Forward

Time to accept the changes that have been happening with each breath from the moment of my divorce. I have been good at accepting most of the changes life has provided. I never was very good at playing the "victim" role and only occasionally allowed myself a pity party. In the recent years I lost a father and an elderly friend to death. I lost my husband to divorce, my children to maturity and their need to move away and several beloved family pets. I suppose I lost some aquaintances because of the new "single" status but I hadn't felt that as deeply as some might imagine. It is now the luxuries I miss. I miss being able to contribute to local organizations I had been able to faithfully support. I miss generously supporting my church, local functions, birthday and graduation notices. I want to afford the gift of spontaneity in responding to needs and wants of my children, friends, neighbors and community.

Like many in this nation and world, I miss feeling confident about supporting myself financially. With minimal work experience outside motherhood and marriage, I often feel inadequate. The skills I have seem insufficient to answer most job postings and while I pursue work that will eventually provide passive income, I so desire to regain the ability to pay basic expenses and regain the generous spirit and means to follow through.

At a recent function with lady friends from my past life, I realized that while they wanted to talk about luxuries....travel, retirement and projects... I wanted to talk about what I do (my business venture) and how it might be of service to them. The worlds didn't seem to connect that night. I realize I fit in better at business networking events and not future black tie events. My world has changed, sometimes slow enough to "cook the frog" and at other times with lightening clarity. I still love my past-life friends. They may still like me, yet I didn't feel like I belonged and that made me sad and wise at the same time.